The California Supreme Court backpedaled Thursday on a decade's worth of rulings that the state unfairly creates two classes of sex offenders when it differentiates sex-offender registration requirements by the sex acts involved.
Blame for Michael Jackson's death should not fall on AEG Live for hiring the pop star's now-imprisoned doctor, an appeals court ruled
Death Row Records founder Suge Knight was arrested Friday on suspicion of murder: a hit and run during a film shoot that killed a man and injured another, the Los Angles County Sheriff's Department said.
Which of these is a real name?
a) Lafcadio Sneath
b) Elbert B. Hoofnagle
c) Arpad Snath
d) Pussy de Fouqueau
The answer is d), if you can believe John Train's "Remarkable Names of Real People."
Train was a member of the original Paris Review crowd, who lived off the exchange rate between World War 1.0 and World War 1.1, also known as II.
Train was the magazine's first managing editor. He called himself a "so-called managing editor," and after doing that for not very long he came back to the States, where he founded a money management firm and made a jillion dollars.
But Train's real contribution to civilization was that he collected names.
Apparently, that's pretty much all he did in Paris, and I commend him for it. I collect names myself.
I would list some for you, but I won't, because it's not polite.
It's not fair to make fun of people for their names.
I have some facts about this.
When I was a lad in Cincinnati, back in the 1950s, back when the Cincinnati Reds baseball team sucked, the Reds' TV sponsor was Kahn's Weiners.
The hot dog company's slogan was: "Kahn's: The Weiner the World Awaited!"
They broadcast that slogan every inning or so during all of the Reds' home games.
I don't think TV bothered to cover away games back then.
I was a child of 5 when this started. It continued until I was 10, and we moved to Chicago, where I was privileged to root for - the Chicago Cubs.
When I was a child - mere clay in the hands of cruel child gods - I went to school every day, where our common pastime, during lunch, recess and gym, was baseball.
Do you understand what I am saying?
That during the hour or so every day that was most important to me, and to all of the children - lunch, recess and P.E. - I had to listen to my classmates shout, "Hey, Kahn's Weiners!"
"Hey, Kahn, show us your weiner!"
This went on from the day I entered kindergarten until my family - thank God for small favors - moved to Chicago as I entered the 5th grade, to be tormented for other things.
I won't lie to you - I think some names are funny.
Groucho's Rufus T. Firefly and Dr. Quackenbush.
W.C. Fields' Egbert Sousè ("accent grave over the e") and Larson E. Whipsnade.
Click and Clack's Russian chauffeurs Pikup and Dropov and their Indian weather forecaster Luckow Davindow.
I wish I could give you my list of funny names here, but I just can't.
There's an element of cruelty in humor, and there's far more cruelty than we need going around today.
A lot of humor, cruel or not, depends on the sounds of the words. Dave Barry knows just when to drop in the word "wolverine."
P.G. Wodehouse could drop in "like quills upon the fretful porpentine" at the precise place to make it ridiculous, though the phrase is horrifying in Hamlet.
So, there's this guy in Omaha named ... no. I just can't.
Kahn's is still the official weiner of the Cincinnati Reds.
The official hot dog, I mean. The official hot dog.
When California's state auditor released a report earlier this month on the state of the court bureaucracy, exorbitant executive staff salaries were a recurring criticism. But the report did not reveal the judicial maneuvering behind the inflated salaries at the very top of the bureauratic ladder.
The woman whose boyfriend may have died at the hand of former NFL star Aaron Hernandez testified Friday that the men were far from friends.
A funeral home worker spilled an Indiana man's ashes onto his widow's kitchen counter, wiped up the mess and threw it away, a new lawsuit alleges.
Regulators failed to act on signs that the popular antipsychotic Risperdal causes teenage boys to grow breasts, a federal complaint from the law firm Sheller PC alleges.
Del Mar rushed through approval of an Internet-based city voting system and plans to use it Monday, a resident says in a request for an injunction against it.
A Palestinian-American professor has sued the University of Illinois for withdrawing a job offer over his anti-Israel tweets during the 2014 bombing of Gaza.
Vaping - smoking electronic cigarettes - would be banned in California in places where cigarettes are banned, under a bill introduced in the state Senate this week.
Top bosses of Trinity Broadcasting, the world's biggest Christian network, threatened their CFO with a gun after she objected to their "unlawful distributions" of $100 million to themselves and other directors, the fired executive says in court.
At the start of the Aaron Hernandez murder trial Thursday, prosecutors highlighted the evidence that places the former Patriots tight end at the scene of the crime.
A lawsuit claims a Georgia woman's suicide was the direct result of injuries she sustained after being thrown against an MRI machine in a medical diagnostic center.
With an eye toward leaving Cash Money Records, Lil Wayne claims in a federal complaint that the label did not pay him for his new record and failed to register his copyrights.
A music busines entrepreneur claims in court that he was wrongly threatened and arrested by a police lieutenant with an alleged mental disability during a popular Miami street festival.
The authors and publisher of a book about rock guitarist Randy Rhoads prevailed on all but one count in a fraud and privacy invasion complaint from the guitarist's family.
Former Governor Rick Perry on Friday made a third attempt to have his two-count felony indictment thrown out, this time citing prosecutors' alleged deficiencies "of form and substance."
A service dog on an Alaska Airlines flight - a "100-pound Rottweiler" - bit a passenger as she tried to get off the plane, the woman claims in court.
A small-town New Mexico mayor had two women in their seventies maliciously prosecuted when they questioned how she was using money for the senior center, the surviving woman claims in court.
The Internal Revenue Service has to deliver nine electronic documents the nonprofit Public.Resource.org sought in a Freedom of Information Act request, a federal judge ruled Thursday.
Time has not run out for a man to sue the Internal Revenue Service over money it took from him when he was 10, the 9th Circuit ruled Friday.
The 2nd upheld the lengthy sentence Friday for the New Yorker who used a chemical weapon by leaving liquid mercury at a trauma center.
A federal judge ruled a Virginia locksmith who blames Internet search engines for his loss of revenue cannot pursue claims against Google, YellowBook and Ziplocal.
A equestrian coach is not liable to the parents of a 17-year-old killed when her horse fell and crushed her, a California appeals court ruled.
A dozen banks must face claims over the alleged manipulation of the $5 trillion foreign-currency market every day by traders in chat rooms called "The Cartel" and "The Mafia," a federal judge ruled.
The fact that a Michigan man was on a mental-health crisis hotline when he allegedly threatened physical violence does not preclude criminal charges, an appeals court ruled.
The 6th Circuit held a Kentucky coal mining operation is shielded from liability for selenium discharges into nearby waters by its Clean Water Act permit.
A woman died in a house fire because Brooklyn firefighters took too long to come to the rescue and then found that the nearest hydrant was broken, a family claims in court.
Silk Road's leader "Dread Pirate Roberts" threatened "real world violence" against a user who attempted online blackmail, evidence in the trial against Ross Ulbricht showed on Thursday.
International Capital Group and three senior executives will pay $4.3 million to settle charges of selling more than 9 billion shares of penny stocks without registering as a broker-dealer, the SEC said.
A Texan was sentenced Thursday to 6½ years in federal prison for a $5.8 million oil and gas Ponzi scheme that ripped off at least 45 investors.
Wal-Mart stiffs its assistant store managers for overtime, a class action claims in Alameda County Court.
Cablevision wants Verizon ordered to stop advertising that it has the "fastest WiFi available;" it claims it's just as fast, in Federal Court.
The Conservation Congress challenged the U.S. Forest Service's approval of 2,200 acres of logging in Shasta-Trinity National Forest, known as the Harris Project, some of it in Northern spotted owl habitat, in Federal Court.
Lucasfilm is searching for whoever leaked a photo of the new "Star Wars" movie on an image-sharing network.
A state appeals court judge on Thursday upheld California's scheme of "run-off" general elections, rejecting claims by minor political parties that their voices will never be heard.
Ultimate fighting entrepreneur Frank Fertitta can duke it out with an art expert over an alleged $7.2 million Mark Rothko forgery, a federal judge ruled.
Prosecutors in Florida dropped an assault case against George Zimmerman after his ex-girlfriend recanted her story.
Mitt Romney said Friday that he will not seek the Republican nomination for president in 2016.
Investors cannot hold Bear Stearns accountable for clearing fraudulent trades worth millions by now defunct broker A.R. Baron & Co., the 2nd Circuit ruled Friday.
Ninth Circuit Senior Judge Arthur Alarcón died Wednesday at his home in Pacific Palisades. He was 89 and served as a judge for 50 years.
The Obama administration's plan to limit oil drilling in arctic seas enrages Alaska's republican leaders.
A park that bills itself as "Detroit's Gathering Place" gutted its own "everyone is welcome" motto, the group Moratorium Now claims in a federal complaint.
A woman claims she was "viciously raped" by an Uber driver in Delhi, India, in Federal Court.
A widow claims she was sexually assaulted by a concierge at the Intercontinental Hotel Amman, in Jordan, in Federal Court.
Two women claim a Eugene, Ore., cop sexually abused and assaulted them and that the city knew of his abuse for years but failed to stop it, in Federal Court.
John Legend Touring owes $13,000 for Legend's 2014 "All of Me" tour, Tour Bus Leasing claims in Davidson County Court.